My Dad

When I came into this world you were there
but after a while, you didn't care
I was just something that took up time from your mate
just another thing that you would come to hate

All I ever was to you, was a cost
To you any caring was long lost
You said a lot about being a fool
and then you always treated me so cruel

It didn't matter if in my studies I did well
I never got praise, all I got was hell
I tried so hard, and I did my best
but you didn't care, even if I did better than the rest

You didn't care about me at all
until in life, I took a fall
And then I was the loser of the day
because I just wanted to run away

I was your wall to hit
In this life, I just didn't fit
I had nowhere to turn
and hopelessness is what I would learn

I struggled through a lot of pain
I tried hard not to go insane
I grew up despite it all
And did okay after my fall

I grew to become more wise
But to you I am the same in your eyes
I do my best to let it rest
but to you, I am still nothing more than a pest

It was a long journey in life
and I had many a strife
but I overcame and can be proud
but all you can do, is to be loud

You still yell
You still say go to hell
It doesn't matter how nice I am to you, or if I care
You still don't want me there

I am never welcomed, unless in your need
I am never praised for any good deed
I have always not been wanted around
but still I have some contentment found

It hurts to be hated since birth
but then life isn't all happiness and mirth
It is a hard thing to learn as a kid
that it was never the fault of anything I did

All I can say
Is that is his way
And there is something wrong in his head,
because he still wishes me dead.


Note:  I wrote this at a time when we weren't getting along at all.
I know that he loved me in his own way, but in my younger years I didn't see it.
Later on things were better between us, but he was bipolar, aka manic depressive,
and that was the real issue from the start.  I may not have always liked my Dad,
but he was still my Dad, and I did love him for the few good times when
he was nicer, happier, and more loving to both me and my mom.
Unfortunately though, he had a temper, and I got the majority of it directed at me.



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